The Golden Rule
It seems that I ask at least a few times every day, "Would you like it if your sister/brother did that to you?" The response is always no so I add (in a very motherly tone) "Then don't do it to him/her." The lesson of treating others like you would wish to be treated seems somewhat lost on them... at least for now but I'm sure that some day it will sink in.
Repeating these words on a daily basis has really gotten me thinking about our treatment of the people around us. It suddenly occurred to me that people just might not like to be treated the way I would like. Now say with me on this one. There are things I do like and things I don't. Every person is different so some things that would bring joy to one person might just terrify another. For instance some people love to be publicly congratulated on a job well done. They would rather enjoy the praise and recognition of a pear or authority figure. However to someone that was very shy and hated to be the center of attention being singled out in public could be a cause for discomfort and anxiety. I realize that this would not be a common experience and the likely hood that in an attempt to do something kind to someone it would backfire and cause them discomfort would be slim but it could happen, right?
This then got me thinking about the 5 love languages. For those of you that aren't familiar with this they are 5 categories of ways we give and receive love. They are acts of Service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch and quality time. Each person gravitates to one of these that is their favored method of accepting love. We all tend to favor that method as well in our attempts to give love. In essence loving others as we would like to be loved. Where this can sometimes run into problems is when a couple has very different primary love languages. For example, my husband and I. lol My husband favors acts of service, my least favorite love language. I am a terrible housekeeper and my organization skills are abysmal. Similarly my love language is words of affirmation and if you have ever met my husband you would never refer to him as wordy. You might ask how two people with such different love languages ended up together and that would be a very good question. However, we did, and we now struggle a lot less since we discovered what each others love language is. You might also ask why that has made such a big difference. Well, I am now more able to treat him how HE would like to be treated. It's just a small wording difference from the golden rule but I think it makes a big difference. Instead of putting the focus on ourselves and how we would like things to be it shifts the focus to the other person. It causes us to consider how best to respect their wishes. It's only a tiny shift in thinking but it might help.
Today maybe I will try asking my kids if they think their sibling would like to be treated that way, instead of asking if they themselves would like it. I'm guessing it won't change much yet but in the long run possibly they will be more respectful of the desires of others.
Repeating these words on a daily basis has really gotten me thinking about our treatment of the people around us. It suddenly occurred to me that people just might not like to be treated the way I would like. Now say with me on this one. There are things I do like and things I don't. Every person is different so some things that would bring joy to one person might just terrify another. For instance some people love to be publicly congratulated on a job well done. They would rather enjoy the praise and recognition of a pear or authority figure. However to someone that was very shy and hated to be the center of attention being singled out in public could be a cause for discomfort and anxiety. I realize that this would not be a common experience and the likely hood that in an attempt to do something kind to someone it would backfire and cause them discomfort would be slim but it could happen, right?
This then got me thinking about the 5 love languages. For those of you that aren't familiar with this they are 5 categories of ways we give and receive love. They are acts of Service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch and quality time. Each person gravitates to one of these that is their favored method of accepting love. We all tend to favor that method as well in our attempts to give love. In essence loving others as we would like to be loved. Where this can sometimes run into problems is when a couple has very different primary love languages. For example, my husband and I. lol My husband favors acts of service, my least favorite love language. I am a terrible housekeeper and my organization skills are abysmal. Similarly my love language is words of affirmation and if you have ever met my husband you would never refer to him as wordy. You might ask how two people with such different love languages ended up together and that would be a very good question. However, we did, and we now struggle a lot less since we discovered what each others love language is. You might also ask why that has made such a big difference. Well, I am now more able to treat him how HE would like to be treated. It's just a small wording difference from the golden rule but I think it makes a big difference. Instead of putting the focus on ourselves and how we would like things to be it shifts the focus to the other person. It causes us to consider how best to respect their wishes. It's only a tiny shift in thinking but it might help.
Today maybe I will try asking my kids if they think their sibling would like to be treated that way, instead of asking if they themselves would like it. I'm guessing it won't change much yet but in the long run possibly they will be more respectful of the desires of others.
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