It's Not Me, It's You

It's been a while since I have done a post about the changes in my self esteem battle. I thought it would be good to give a little update. It seems I'm doing pretty good actually. My confidence has been boosted and I have started to come to terms with some of the things that caused me problems in the past. I have actually been able to come to grips with the concept that a lot of the damaging things that have happened were really not my fault and I am making the effort to not claim them as my responsibility. Some times it's more difficult to do this than others but step by step I'm getting there. When I have a negative thought that relates to something that has hurt me I try to take a second to recognize that relationship and then dismiss the insult to myself.

This is easier to do about my physical self than myself personally. Where as before most of my negative outlook was based on my physical appearance now my negativity is directed towards my personality. I realize that not everyone will like us and you can't make everyone happy all the time but that idea is hard to let go of. I think it's natural to want to be liked and when faced with a situation that shows you pretty obviously that someone does not like you it's hard to not take that personally.

I understand that there are some people in my life that I just click with a little better than other people so hopefully I will be able to remember this the next time I am excluded, slighted or treated rudely. I will also try to be more aware of how I am reacting to the people around me. I know that I always do my best to make sure I am not rude to others but that doesn't mean that I haven't accidentally been exclusive or that I have slighted others. Hopefully some of the slights that I have experienced have been unintentional as I know any slights I have been responsible for have been unintentional. Therefor I will use this opportunity to apologize to any of you that might have felt I was cold, disinterested or dismissive to. There is no one that I know that I wouldn't enjoy spending more time with and getting to know a little better. If I was a little aloof it was not on purpose.

I do have some decisions to make in the near future. I am trying to discover the right fit for myself and my family. In the process there will be changes made that I'm sure might ruffle a few feathers. I'm not sure what is going to happen but I hope that I will move forward with tact and grace and forge relationships that will be lasting and uplifting for all of us.

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