I am Not a Number

I should also say that though I am working on loosing weight I am also working on being more comfortable in the body I have now. I am feeling more secure and less worried about what others think. However part of the reason I'm so focused on loosing weight is I have been looking into getting a breast reduction. I figure its not going to be a big Revelation to tell people since if I am able to get it done it will be quite obvious. When I gain and loose weight my chest size stays almost exactly the same with a slight variation on my band width. This means just loosing weight is going to make very little difference in that department. When I got married I was the same cup size but 30 lbs lighter. Lately it's been causing me more and more pain in my shoulders and back as well as I am starting to develop a bit of a hunch from slouching (I'm trying to adjust my posture) and my massage therapist says my rib cage is curving. When I talked to my Dr. about making an appointment with a specialist with the hopes of getting a reduction he said fine and went about the rest of the appointment. However a few days later I was called and informed that they would not even make an appointment unless I was under 200 lbs. I realize that this is in a way admitting my weight so I might as well do something very brave and just tell you that I am right now I very anywhere from 208 to 212 lbs. It's aggravating that they won't even see me since this arbitrary number does not take into account a persons height, bone structure or the density of the tissue itself (that is what causes the size to not change with weight loss). Regardless they are stuck on that number and will not budge so if I do want a reduction or to even see the specialist to give me other options for fixing the damage done I have to drop at least 10 lbs. Though this could be a good motivator I'm finding it more frustrating since it has completely focused me on my weight as just a number.

I had expected when I went in for a physical a month ago that my Dr. would tell me I needed to loose weight anyway. I was quite surprised when he didn't seem to think it was necessary. He sees a reduction surgery as major and therefore should be avoided. He told me that I could loose the weight if I wanted but if not that would be fine too. This greatly surprised me. I expected him to see my weight and decide that I was at health risk because of it. His seaming indifference to my weight as a health issue has actually greatly helped my view on my size. I am starting to be able to detach the idea of a number being universally bad and instead see the difference in shape, muscle mass, health and general well being. This is a delicate balance for me however, since I do need to do something about the pain and discomfort I am experiencing. This does mean I will need to worry about numbers so my mind is always brought back to that. I am hopeful that I can adjust my thinking to separate these two points. Until then I will keep reminding myself that things aren't as bad as they seem and I can be OK with where I'm at while still working on changing it.

Comments

  1. karenJune 23, 2011 at 8:08 AM

    If you are wanting to do it quick, look into Dr Cohen's an online program. I did it last year lost a lot have put a bunch back on but not to where I was, It is really strick but you will lose it. Breast reduction surgery is awesome. It will really change your life. I did it about 5 years ago, wow time flies.

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