Renewing Of the Mind
Obviously I have been thinking a lot about health and fitness lately. I have been doing quite well with my running and I've been in a much better place mentally. This is not my first time attempting to be and stay fit however. In high school I did a lot of fad diets. None that worked even well enough for me to loose 5 lbs. I also was one of I believe 2 girls that ever set foot in the weight room in our high school. I think it even took a few years before I even found out we had a weight room. I tried that for a little while as well but no matter what I tried back then I was always the same weight. Looking back I can now say it's because I was already fit but when I looked in the mirror I did not see things that way.
Over the years I stayed a pretty steady weight. There were some sight fluctuations physically but the big change was mental. I already had a fairly negative way of looking at myself and since I am a person that holds more value on words of affirmation, negative things that are said also hold more weight with me (no pun intended). This is why even little things said to me about my fitness level really effected me. I remember an ex boyfriend making a comment about tensing stomach muscles all the time being really good for them and could help get a really flat stomach. Then since he broke up with me not long after this occasion, did not give an explanation for why and also told friends that he "hopped to meet someone just like me one day" I automatically jumped to the conclusion it was because I was to "fat" for him. That may or may not be the case but it wasn't the start of my association of weight with acceptability. That is just one small example of something that has moved my thinking towards an unhealthy outlook.
Every bride wants to look perfect on her wedding day and as a result I had a really good motivator for loosing weight. The problem was though that I didn't change the way I thought about myself even though I change my outward appearance. I got skinny but I now realize I never believed I was or that I could stay there. My negative thought were my hardest fitness obstacle to overcome.
I realized this morning while reading another friends blog about Fat brain vs. Fit brain that I have always had unfit thoughts. It's hard to make a substantial and lasting change when you don't believe you are capable or even worthy.
This brings me to now and the reason I believe this fitness challenge will be the actual lifestyle change I have been looking for. I started working on my mental "fitness" months ago and blogging about it for lent. I am thankful to my friend Kora for mentioning her Lenten fast of giving up negative self talk. It really pointed me in the right direction. I have been working on my self esteem since then and have made better progress than ever before. I also have realized recently that I believe I have been in a depression. I don't know how long I've felt this way or how serious it's been. I'm almost leaning towards thinking it's been since my teenage years. I was very sad in high school and was seeing a counselor for a while back then. It helped to a small degree but I don't remember I time when I have ever felt really good about being me. Sure I've had times when I've felt alright and I'm not saying I've never been happy. I just don't think I've ever felt like it wouldn't be better to be someone else.
This year I've really been really working on my mental fitness and then came the Body by Vi health challenge. The timing couldn't have been better. It's really been amazing how getting proper balanced nutrition has greatly improved my mood and mental stability. I now feel like I am in a strong enough mental state to ensure this is a lasting fitness change. Now that my mind is starting to work in my favor there is no way I'm going back to that unhealthy brain that never thought I could do or was worthy of anything. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind so NOW I can see what is God's good, pleasing and perfect will!
Over the years I stayed a pretty steady weight. There were some sight fluctuations physically but the big change was mental. I already had a fairly negative way of looking at myself and since I am a person that holds more value on words of affirmation, negative things that are said also hold more weight with me (no pun intended). This is why even little things said to me about my fitness level really effected me. I remember an ex boyfriend making a comment about tensing stomach muscles all the time being really good for them and could help get a really flat stomach. Then since he broke up with me not long after this occasion, did not give an explanation for why and also told friends that he "hopped to meet someone just like me one day" I automatically jumped to the conclusion it was because I was to "fat" for him. That may or may not be the case but it wasn't the start of my association of weight with acceptability. That is just one small example of something that has moved my thinking towards an unhealthy outlook.
Every bride wants to look perfect on her wedding day and as a result I had a really good motivator for loosing weight. The problem was though that I didn't change the way I thought about myself even though I change my outward appearance. I got skinny but I now realize I never believed I was or that I could stay there. My negative thought were my hardest fitness obstacle to overcome.
I realized this morning while reading another friends blog about Fat brain vs. Fit brain that I have always had unfit thoughts. It's hard to make a substantial and lasting change when you don't believe you are capable or even worthy.
This brings me to now and the reason I believe this fitness challenge will be the actual lifestyle change I have been looking for. I started working on my mental "fitness" months ago and blogging about it for lent. I am thankful to my friend Kora for mentioning her Lenten fast of giving up negative self talk. It really pointed me in the right direction. I have been working on my self esteem since then and have made better progress than ever before. I also have realized recently that I believe I have been in a depression. I don't know how long I've felt this way or how serious it's been. I'm almost leaning towards thinking it's been since my teenage years. I was very sad in high school and was seeing a counselor for a while back then. It helped to a small degree but I don't remember I time when I have ever felt really good about being me. Sure I've had times when I've felt alright and I'm not saying I've never been happy. I just don't think I've ever felt like it wouldn't be better to be someone else.
This year I've really been really working on my mental fitness and then came the Body by Vi health challenge. The timing couldn't have been better. It's really been amazing how getting proper balanced nutrition has greatly improved my mood and mental stability. I now feel like I am in a strong enough mental state to ensure this is a lasting fitness change. Now that my mind is starting to work in my favor there is no way I'm going back to that unhealthy brain that never thought I could do or was worthy of anything. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind so NOW I can see what is God's good, pleasing and perfect will!
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