Comment Cards
There are things that happen in our lives sometimes that make you question if you're going about things the wrong way. At least I hope I'm not the only one that feel this way. There have been things that have happened over the years that make me question the quality of the friendship I offer to people. I want to be loving and generous but there are times when I just feel like a failure. Though I might seem outgoing it has mostly, until recently, been a front. I would be outgoing when I meet someone but get nervous that they wouldn't like me and back off waiting for them to make the next move. I do this because of the doubt that they would be interested in befriending me and because I'm scared of rejection.
Lately I have been attempting to stretch my comfort zone. I have been a bit more brave when it comes to making a move. I have found it hasn't been that bad and people have seemed genuinely happy to talk with me. I have been trying to keep in mind that the worst that will happen is that we won't be friends. If I don't make the contact in the first place we wouldn't either so really I can't end up further behind.
My poor approach to friendship has been around for a long time so it's difficult to break. It also means that some of friendships I have had have been unbalanced. I will admit, I don't think I've been a very good friend to people. I have thought at times it would be helpful to hand out comment cards.
Excellent Very Good Good Fair Poor
How was your visit with Rachel?
Would you spend time with Rachel again? Yes/No
What would you change about Rachel?:___________________________________
What should stay the same?:___________________________________________
In what way could Rachel make your friendship better?:_____________________________________________________________
What do you think? To much? lol Honestly sometimes I think it would be easier. Although I'm sensitive to criticism so if I had this much brutal honesty coming back at me I would probably have a nervous breakdown.
This is going to sound like a backhanded compliment to myself but I think that since I have such a love for the people in my life I can overestimate their affection for me. An example of this is a friendship I had that ended last year. I was concerned about her because I wasn't hearing from her at all and I was assuming that she was hiding away from everyone. I expressed my concern to her and to make a long story short she was talking with people, just not me. I was under the misguided impression that since I have a love for her she loves me as much. This was not the case and was a big knock to my friendship self esteem. Maybe a comment card would have been prudent in her case. At least then there might have been some constructive criticism.
I think part of the problem is my outlook. There was some helpful points about this in Blue Like Jazz. He said he was living his life like he was the most important person in the story. After all he's the main character, the only one in every scene. I don't mean to but I think I have tended to do this too. When I talk with people I think it's to much about me. I don't think I come across as a good listener. For a long time I would put myself down (I'm working on it) so I think I seemed negative. I'm not entirely sure if this is how I come or not but from my perspective that seems like it could be right. I think I do this because I'm insecure, not because I don't love the people in my life. I tend to say the wrong thing as well. I know I have offended a few people. I know this because I have been told I have, so if you are also a person I have inadvertently offended please know that I mostly likely shot my mouth off without thinking and I hope you know that my intention is never to hurt anyone.
So the journey is continuing. I am attempting to improve the relationships I have and hopefully improve upon the ones that are just beginning. I just have to keep in mind that this will always be a work in progress so that when problems come, and they will, I won't break down.
Lately I have been attempting to stretch my comfort zone. I have been a bit more brave when it comes to making a move. I have found it hasn't been that bad and people have seemed genuinely happy to talk with me. I have been trying to keep in mind that the worst that will happen is that we won't be friends. If I don't make the contact in the first place we wouldn't either so really I can't end up further behind.
My poor approach to friendship has been around for a long time so it's difficult to break. It also means that some of friendships I have had have been unbalanced. I will admit, I don't think I've been a very good friend to people. I have thought at times it would be helpful to hand out comment cards.
Excellent Very Good Good Fair Poor
How was your visit with Rachel?
Would you spend time with Rachel again? Yes/No
What would you change about Rachel?:___________________________________
What should stay the same?:___________________________________________
In what way could Rachel make your friendship better?:_____________________________________________________________
What do you think? To much? lol Honestly sometimes I think it would be easier. Although I'm sensitive to criticism so if I had this much brutal honesty coming back at me I would probably have a nervous breakdown.
This is going to sound like a backhanded compliment to myself but I think that since I have such a love for the people in my life I can overestimate their affection for me. An example of this is a friendship I had that ended last year. I was concerned about her because I wasn't hearing from her at all and I was assuming that she was hiding away from everyone. I expressed my concern to her and to make a long story short she was talking with people, just not me. I was under the misguided impression that since I have a love for her she loves me as much. This was not the case and was a big knock to my friendship self esteem. Maybe a comment card would have been prudent in her case. At least then there might have been some constructive criticism.
I think part of the problem is my outlook. There was some helpful points about this in Blue Like Jazz. He said he was living his life like he was the most important person in the story. After all he's the main character, the only one in every scene. I don't mean to but I think I have tended to do this too. When I talk with people I think it's to much about me. I don't think I come across as a good listener. For a long time I would put myself down (I'm working on it) so I think I seemed negative. I'm not entirely sure if this is how I come or not but from my perspective that seems like it could be right. I think I do this because I'm insecure, not because I don't love the people in my life. I tend to say the wrong thing as well. I know I have offended a few people. I know this because I have been told I have, so if you are also a person I have inadvertently offended please know that I mostly likely shot my mouth off without thinking and I hope you know that my intention is never to hurt anyone.
So the journey is continuing. I am attempting to improve the relationships I have and hopefully improve upon the ones that are just beginning. I just have to keep in mind that this will always be a work in progress so that when problems come, and they will, I won't break down.
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