Where is My Mind?

Why can't I shut off my brain? I don't really feel like I'm a worrier but maybe I am. I lay down to sleep at night and go threw the endless combination of choose your own adventure paths that my life could take. Sometimes it's fine and I can do my little sleeping tricks to relax enough to drift off but if there is something on my mind.... forget about it!

I know that worry doesn't serve a single purpose and actually is to my detriment. I also know that thinking about my choices is not indication that they will actually work out that way. I just haven't thought of what I'm doing as worrying before. I really just figured I was sorting out my options, making plans and analyzing scenarios. That might not be the case. I think it all comes back to my desire to everything to be perfect. Once something is my responsibility I want to make sure it goes just the way I want it to and the less I control the outcome the more agonize. Yep, I think that's worry.

The reason I haven't seen it as such before is that I don't have a problem with things going wrong. I know that the worst possible outcome still won't be that bad. If everything went wrong there would still be a way of fixing things. Sometime there isn't even a possibility of things going that off course yet I still can't help but play it out in my head.

So why can't I turn off my brain? Any advice would be appreciated. This might be a slight connection with my insomnia that seems to flair up at times of change. So maybe drugs could be the answer, another trip to the sleep clinic to have electrodes attached to me. Or, maybe I could try and recognize what I am doing as worry and actively try to push it away. Before it has just seemed like good sense to go over my many, many, options and head down the correct path. Hopefully recognizing this practice as harmful might help steer me away from it. Let's see if that help.

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