I Think I Can

For a very long time now I have wondered what it would be like to have a smaller chest. When out shopping I have had to limit my top selection because A) I am large all over so the sizes tended to be to small, B) button up shirts would not do up or stay done up over my chest, C) tops that were not fitted made me look even heavier or pregnant, D) high neck shirt make me look wider E) strapless was out of the question unless I wanted to show my really wide tacky bra straps. Really the majority of my tops were t-shirt style and most flattering was a v neck. So many times I have looked at something that I have really loved and passed it by because I knew just from looking at it that there was no chance it would work. I would often think, "once I have a reduction I wonder if that would work on me." Now that time is almost upon me and I'm starting to think the other way. What if nothing changes? What if I still can't fix my posture? What if I still end up in pain from wires digging into my sides? What if my shoulders are still full of rock hard knots all the time? What if cloths still don't work on me? I hope that all this pain and discomfort won't be for nothing.

I have met many women who have had reductions done and not one of them has ever regretted their decision but still when it comes down to it I am a worrier so I think, could I be the exception? It's not enough of a worry to change my mind but it's also difficult to totally ignore. I guess it is a good thing that the surgery date is only 14 days away. The longer I wait the more concerned I think I will get so for now I will attempt to distract myself.

One thing I've been doing is reading... a lot! I'm really happy that Randall got me an ereader for Christmas since that will allow me to have an entire library at my finger tips during the first few days of bed ridden recovery. I have lots of books loaded and ready to go!

I am hoping to get a little bit more organized before the date as well. I'm thinking I might make some meals that I can freeze so they are ready to take out and heat up, however we might be one of the only houses out there that doesn't have a microwave so heating up a meal might not be quite as easy. I'll have to try and think of simple oven heated meals.

My mom is going to be coming the night before the surgery and and staying the Thursday through Sunday. Then the following week Randall will be on evening shift. That should make it a little easier to handle since he will be home for more of the day. I suppose a lot will depend on how well I'm healing and how much I'm able to do at that point. One of the problems I have is that I find it very difficult to actually ask for help. So I struggle through and hope that I am able to do it all myself. This might be one occasion where I will need to actually request a bit of assistance though. I'm not sure what I will really need however and I don't know if I should just wait and see how I recover or plan for something from the start. I'm also not sure what my actual resistance is to asking for help. I don't believe it's a matter of being to proud. I know that I can't do EVERYTHING. I'll have to think over what I will be needing and figure out if I will be able to be unattended after 4 days. I have an appointment next Wednesday where I will be talking to the surgeon so maybe that will clear things up for me. Until then I guess I will just try not to think to much. Ha ha ha, good luck with that.

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