All the Single Ladies
Yesterdays post went over pretty well so I thought I would do one for the ladies. Now, I'm not trying to say that there is something wrong with what you are doing or that you have to pretend to be different to get a guy (this is my diplomatic girl talk). I have been told, quite a few times actually, that I am pretty guy like. I play video games, I don't particularly like chick flicks, I prefer heavier music to love ballad (for the most part), I don't tend to wear much makeup, I only take about 5 min to get ready and sort of have a guy sense of humor. Since I am also married to a guy I think I have a bit of an insight into the way they think so I thought I would clear a little of the confusion up for some of the many single ladies I know.
I also wanted to point out that I know a lot of these women are hoping to find themselves a great guy and settle into a relationship. As far as I have seen though there tends to be a much greater number of fabulous single women out there than there is stand up gentlemen. I'm not really sure what to do about that but I wanted to let them know that maybe they haven't found a great guy yet simply because there just isn't that many to go around. Yes, I am counting myself VERY lucky to have snapped one up for myself. Also I would like to let you know that even in a married relationship the partners should NOT be counting on one another to "make them happy". No other person should be in charge of your happiness. That is a lot of responsibility to put on someone else and if you aren't able to make yourself happy how on Earth is someone else supposed to know how to do it every second of every day? Some times are just harder than others and not every moment of your life is going to be a joy filled extravaganza so try not to expect your partner to provide that for you. If you do I can grantee your relationship will not last long.
Down to the "tips" then. I'll do 5 for the ladies as well I suppose.
1) Will be the point I already mentioned. Don't expect that person to make you happy every second.
2) Take it easy. If you read the post I wrote to the men yesterday you will know how I cautioned them to think before they speak. As an answer to this I would like to tell you that sometimes guys just don't do that. They say things that sound offensive to you but in most cases I'm pretty sure they really don't mean it that way. Sometimes there is just a block in their brain that makes words come out sounding totally different that they should. Try to hear what they are attempting to say instead of what they are actually saying. It may be difficult sometimes but do your best to not get angry and offended. Instead try to calmly explain to them why the word choice could have been better if you have to mention it at all.
3) He is not your buddy. You might have to treat a Boyfriend slightly different than a boy friend. Guys that you might hang out with or work with you might insult and joke with in a somewhat derogatory manner. Though guys can put on a tough exterior and can get over things pretty quickly most times that does not mean that they are not sensitive too. Picking on him and insulting him, even if you are joking around, might not be taken as well as with a buddy. Insulting his "manhood" might just be enough to make him look for someone who will build him up a little more. I am not suggesting that you have to stoke his ego constantly. If you end up with a guy like that he might be putting to much responsibility on you to make him feel good. I am saying though that degrading him could make him feel less manly and you really don't want that.
4) Be respectful of his time. We have all heard the jokes about how long it takes for women to get ready and how men just need to get over it cause we are worth the wait. Sometimes it does take time to get everything just right and make sure we are looking our best. This is not to say that we should all just throw on something and head out the door. This is to say however, that we might have to work on our time management skills. If you know it takes you an hour to get ready don't start the process 15 min before you scheduled date time. There is something to be said for fashionably late and another thing entirely for a 45 min to an hour wait time. I think we have all had/have friends who would set times for us to meet and leave us tapping our foot an hour later feeling angry and disrespected. I had a friend like this. The key word in that sentence is HAD! If you constantly are flippant with someones time then before long you will find they don't have time for you. I know that things come up and not even the most carefully planned person will make it on time EVERY time but try and do your best and they will thank you for it.
5) This is one that I mentioned for the guys as well and it's a pretty important one in my opinion. Being honest does not mean talking trash. I know that we would all love to think that the only problem in any of our past relationships was all because of the guy that may not be entirely true. There are parts of those problems that you own as well and bashing all your exes is only going to make the guy you are with worried about what you might say about him. To take this another step, sometimes it can be nice to vent about the ways that our parents drive us crazy and the insensitive things our friends might have done. I think that if you trust the person you are with enough to share those opinions with them that is fine, just make sure you have good things to say about them too or they might start thinking that you just hate everything about everyone and you must be saying things like that about him to your friends and family. If someone it really negative a lot it can be easy to get the idea that they are hard to please rather than that they are just venting. Talking about exes to much can be a problem for other reasons as well. I had a boyfriend once that talked a lot about a girl he used to date. To let him know I understood and related to what he was saying I shared about the deepest relationship that I had had to date. At the end of that relationship we both came away from it thinking the other was still hung up on their ex. I know for myself it wasn't true but talking about that time too much will give that impression.
So those are my 5 "tips" if you want to call them that. It's not that I am an expert or anything. Every relationship has it's difficult times though and we can use as much of an edge as we can get. So good luck and try to have fun!
I also wanted to point out that I know a lot of these women are hoping to find themselves a great guy and settle into a relationship. As far as I have seen though there tends to be a much greater number of fabulous single women out there than there is stand up gentlemen. I'm not really sure what to do about that but I wanted to let them know that maybe they haven't found a great guy yet simply because there just isn't that many to go around. Yes, I am counting myself VERY lucky to have snapped one up for myself. Also I would like to let you know that even in a married relationship the partners should NOT be counting on one another to "make them happy". No other person should be in charge of your happiness. That is a lot of responsibility to put on someone else and if you aren't able to make yourself happy how on Earth is someone else supposed to know how to do it every second of every day? Some times are just harder than others and not every moment of your life is going to be a joy filled extravaganza so try not to expect your partner to provide that for you. If you do I can grantee your relationship will not last long.
Down to the "tips" then. I'll do 5 for the ladies as well I suppose.
1) Will be the point I already mentioned. Don't expect that person to make you happy every second.
2) Take it easy. If you read the post I wrote to the men yesterday you will know how I cautioned them to think before they speak. As an answer to this I would like to tell you that sometimes guys just don't do that. They say things that sound offensive to you but in most cases I'm pretty sure they really don't mean it that way. Sometimes there is just a block in their brain that makes words come out sounding totally different that they should. Try to hear what they are attempting to say instead of what they are actually saying. It may be difficult sometimes but do your best to not get angry and offended. Instead try to calmly explain to them why the word choice could have been better if you have to mention it at all.
3) He is not your buddy. You might have to treat a Boyfriend slightly different than a boy friend. Guys that you might hang out with or work with you might insult and joke with in a somewhat derogatory manner. Though guys can put on a tough exterior and can get over things pretty quickly most times that does not mean that they are not sensitive too. Picking on him and insulting him, even if you are joking around, might not be taken as well as with a buddy. Insulting his "manhood" might just be enough to make him look for someone who will build him up a little more. I am not suggesting that you have to stoke his ego constantly. If you end up with a guy like that he might be putting to much responsibility on you to make him feel good. I am saying though that degrading him could make him feel less manly and you really don't want that.
4) Be respectful of his time. We have all heard the jokes about how long it takes for women to get ready and how men just need to get over it cause we are worth the wait. Sometimes it does take time to get everything just right and make sure we are looking our best. This is not to say that we should all just throw on something and head out the door. This is to say however, that we might have to work on our time management skills. If you know it takes you an hour to get ready don't start the process 15 min before you scheduled date time. There is something to be said for fashionably late and another thing entirely for a 45 min to an hour wait time. I think we have all had/have friends who would set times for us to meet and leave us tapping our foot an hour later feeling angry and disrespected. I had a friend like this. The key word in that sentence is HAD! If you constantly are flippant with someones time then before long you will find they don't have time for you. I know that things come up and not even the most carefully planned person will make it on time EVERY time but try and do your best and they will thank you for it.
5) This is one that I mentioned for the guys as well and it's a pretty important one in my opinion. Being honest does not mean talking trash. I know that we would all love to think that the only problem in any of our past relationships was all because of the guy that may not be entirely true. There are parts of those problems that you own as well and bashing all your exes is only going to make the guy you are with worried about what you might say about him. To take this another step, sometimes it can be nice to vent about the ways that our parents drive us crazy and the insensitive things our friends might have done. I think that if you trust the person you are with enough to share those opinions with them that is fine, just make sure you have good things to say about them too or they might start thinking that you just hate everything about everyone and you must be saying things like that about him to your friends and family. If someone it really negative a lot it can be easy to get the idea that they are hard to please rather than that they are just venting. Talking about exes to much can be a problem for other reasons as well. I had a boyfriend once that talked a lot about a girl he used to date. To let him know I understood and related to what he was saying I shared about the deepest relationship that I had had to date. At the end of that relationship we both came away from it thinking the other was still hung up on their ex. I know for myself it wasn't true but talking about that time too much will give that impression.
So those are my 5 "tips" if you want to call them that. It's not that I am an expert or anything. Every relationship has it's difficult times though and we can use as much of an edge as we can get. So good luck and try to have fun!
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