Now for Something Completely Different
As a distraction from my discomfort I have decided I will post about something totally unrelated to surgery recovery. That should do the trick. So for a completely unrelated topic I thought I would choose singleness. Yes, I know that I am not of that persuasion but that doesn't mean that I wasn't at one time or can't lend my opinion on the topic.
I have quite a few single women friends that I find completely FANTASTIC! However the guys they are finding to date are not quite living up to a datable standard so I thought that for today I might give the single men a few tips on what girls are looking for and what you should never, ever do! Here are my 5 tips.
1) If you are dating someone... stop looking for someone else! If you think the person you are with is enough of a match with you then give it a solid try. If there is not enough commonality in you personalities or enough of a spark to make you think that this person could be the one then do both of you a favor, end it and move on. Do not under any circumstance keep playing the field while you date someone else just in case it works out. For one thing if the one you are with has a possibility of being the one you just screwed it up because when she finds out you have still be looking on the side (and she will find out, don't kid yourself that you are that smart) then you will have destroyed any possibility of the relationship working. This is advice taken from an actual situation I have heard about recently. Don't be that guy!
2) Chivalry, it is not dead, it's just had plastic surgery. Women don't want to be treated like we are invalid or incapable but a little politeness and courtesy go a long way. When I go into a store and there is someone else coming in I will hold the door open for them. It's just polite, so try and remember simple manners when you are out with a woman. Really you should be displaying simple manners and courtesy in everyday life anyway. That might go a long way towards getting you to that dating stage to begin with.
3) Past relationships. Don't bring them up too soon and talk about them in moderation. We do want to know that you have at least had a relationship before but it would be better if you didn't bad mouth them. If you do that will leave us wondering what you might be thinking about us, what you would say about us if we weren't there or if the situation was really messed up the last time around, if you might not be capable of handling a stable relationship. If you were greatly at fault in that last relationship try to own your part in the breakup but if you did something really rough, such as cheat you might want to figure out why you would have done that and get yourself right before starting a new relationship. Try to be honest and take responsibility for your part. That will go a long way towards making you trustworthy and reliable.
4) Grooming habits. This might be a little obvious but you really don't want to show up for a date stinking like sweat socks in sweaty gym shorts. Try to look your best. I'm not saying you have to wear a suit and cologne every time she sets eyes on you. I for one wouldn't like that in a man. I'm just saying to be clean. No greasy hair, arm pit stains and please for the love of everything holy, no track pants! You can be casual but just don't look like you came straight from the gym especially if you didn't. You aren't tricking us into thinking you just had a body sculpting work out and that you are in far superior shape than we might think just by showing up unwashed in a track suit. That will just make us think you are a slob at home and that you are going to expect us to clean up after you all the time.
5) Last but not least, think before you speak! I will admit that on occasion women can take the things you say a little out of context and twist your words a bit to make them sound far worse than you had intended them to sound but please, please, think about how what you are going to say will sound to them. Comments that you might think are a compliment might sound totally otherwise to someone of the female persuasion. I have a friend who calls this "Guy Stupid". I would hope that the woman would be able to look past what you are saying to get to what you really mean but not everyone will be able to get that far. Offence happens quickly and easily to someone with a sensitive self esteem (which is pretty much every woman) so one poorly phrased sentence can do a lot of damage that you might not be able to recover from. I will use an example from my own experience so you can understand what I mean. I guy I was once dating told me that sucking in your stomach all the time can be a great work out for the muscles and can help flatten your tummy. To the guy he might be thinking this is a great tip! I just gave her a fantastic easy idea for helping her not have to spend so much time to looking as amazing as she already does. I believe I might have even made some complaint about my stomach before he offered this to me although I really don't think I did considering my stomach was about one of the only body parts I was comfortable with at the time but even if she sounds like she might be asking for advice about things words like that will not make her think you are helpful. What I thought when this wonder boy said that to me was "Oh my gosh! He thinks I'm fat and I need really work on weight." Sometimes when you think a woman is asking you to give her advice and help out with a problem what she really wants if for you to just listen to her and agree. I know that can be confusing but... it's safer. If you are going to offer advice that can be good to just try and think about how what you are saying will sound to her. If there is a possibility that it will be taken badly it most likely will be taken badly. Either rephrase or swallow it.
So those are my 5 pointers. Really I think most guys really do mean well and they just don't know how to get that across. We have to take it easy on them and keep in mind that they are trying their best. On occasion though a guy does come along who is just a scum bag and hopefully they are easily spotted and cast aside. For guys like that, you're giving the rest of them a bad name.
So to sign off a final word of advice. Good luck, have fun and try to be yourself, just a polished self.
I have quite a few single women friends that I find completely FANTASTIC! However the guys they are finding to date are not quite living up to a datable standard so I thought that for today I might give the single men a few tips on what girls are looking for and what you should never, ever do! Here are my 5 tips.
1) If you are dating someone... stop looking for someone else! If you think the person you are with is enough of a match with you then give it a solid try. If there is not enough commonality in you personalities or enough of a spark to make you think that this person could be the one then do both of you a favor, end it and move on. Do not under any circumstance keep playing the field while you date someone else just in case it works out. For one thing if the one you are with has a possibility of being the one you just screwed it up because when she finds out you have still be looking on the side (and she will find out, don't kid yourself that you are that smart) then you will have destroyed any possibility of the relationship working. This is advice taken from an actual situation I have heard about recently. Don't be that guy!
2) Chivalry, it is not dead, it's just had plastic surgery. Women don't want to be treated like we are invalid or incapable but a little politeness and courtesy go a long way. When I go into a store and there is someone else coming in I will hold the door open for them. It's just polite, so try and remember simple manners when you are out with a woman. Really you should be displaying simple manners and courtesy in everyday life anyway. That might go a long way towards getting you to that dating stage to begin with.
3) Past relationships. Don't bring them up too soon and talk about them in moderation. We do want to know that you have at least had a relationship before but it would be better if you didn't bad mouth them. If you do that will leave us wondering what you might be thinking about us, what you would say about us if we weren't there or if the situation was really messed up the last time around, if you might not be capable of handling a stable relationship. If you were greatly at fault in that last relationship try to own your part in the breakup but if you did something really rough, such as cheat you might want to figure out why you would have done that and get yourself right before starting a new relationship. Try to be honest and take responsibility for your part. That will go a long way towards making you trustworthy and reliable.
4) Grooming habits. This might be a little obvious but you really don't want to show up for a date stinking like sweat socks in sweaty gym shorts. Try to look your best. I'm not saying you have to wear a suit and cologne every time she sets eyes on you. I for one wouldn't like that in a man. I'm just saying to be clean. No greasy hair, arm pit stains and please for the love of everything holy, no track pants! You can be casual but just don't look like you came straight from the gym especially if you didn't. You aren't tricking us into thinking you just had a body sculpting work out and that you are in far superior shape than we might think just by showing up unwashed in a track suit. That will just make us think you are a slob at home and that you are going to expect us to clean up after you all the time.
5) Last but not least, think before you speak! I will admit that on occasion women can take the things you say a little out of context and twist your words a bit to make them sound far worse than you had intended them to sound but please, please, think about how what you are going to say will sound to them. Comments that you might think are a compliment might sound totally otherwise to someone of the female persuasion. I have a friend who calls this "Guy Stupid". I would hope that the woman would be able to look past what you are saying to get to what you really mean but not everyone will be able to get that far. Offence happens quickly and easily to someone with a sensitive self esteem (which is pretty much every woman) so one poorly phrased sentence can do a lot of damage that you might not be able to recover from. I will use an example from my own experience so you can understand what I mean. I guy I was once dating told me that sucking in your stomach all the time can be a great work out for the muscles and can help flatten your tummy. To the guy he might be thinking this is a great tip! I just gave her a fantastic easy idea for helping her not have to spend so much time to looking as amazing as she already does. I believe I might have even made some complaint about my stomach before he offered this to me although I really don't think I did considering my stomach was about one of the only body parts I was comfortable with at the time but even if she sounds like she might be asking for advice about things words like that will not make her think you are helpful. What I thought when this wonder boy said that to me was "Oh my gosh! He thinks I'm fat and I need really work on weight." Sometimes when you think a woman is asking you to give her advice and help out with a problem what she really wants if for you to just listen to her and agree. I know that can be confusing but... it's safer. If you are going to offer advice that can be good to just try and think about how what you are saying will sound to her. If there is a possibility that it will be taken badly it most likely will be taken badly. Either rephrase or swallow it.
So those are my 5 pointers. Really I think most guys really do mean well and they just don't know how to get that across. We have to take it easy on them and keep in mind that they are trying their best. On occasion though a guy does come along who is just a scum bag and hopefully they are easily spotted and cast aside. For guys like that, you're giving the rest of them a bad name.
So to sign off a final word of advice. Good luck, have fun and try to be yourself, just a polished self.
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