What's that Say About Me?

For me, as well as I'm sure many others, writing has always been a somewhat cathartic experience. I find I often think better with the written word. If something is really bothering me it is not unheard of for my husband to get a note explaining what is going on with me. I know I can hear a collective groan from all of you who had note maker roommates at some point in your life. "Please don't leave your dishes in the sink. Next time I throw them in the garbage." Or maybe "This bathroom is disgusting and hasn't been cleaned for weeks." Quite often in my experience those note leavers were a large factor in the problem but almost felt the act of writing the note would absolve them from all involvement. I try not to be a note maker like that. I just feel that I am often best at expressing myself when I have had a moment to mull over what it is I'm really feeling and why. Usually my notes are also a conscious choice to figuratively "count to 10." Once I'm cooled down for a moment I can look more objectively at the situation. I think this is why a Blog has been helpful in my quest to gain perspective on my self esteem.

In the last few weeks as I have started to feel the negativity creep into my thoughts I have been attempting to take a step back from that to really look at the root of the problem. Some of these things have been on the edge of my brain for a very long time but it was almost easier to wallow in self-loathing than really stand up and fight off the true facts.

I do know where a lot of my negative self esteem comes from. The issue with facing some of these I think comes with facing other people that were factors in creating out self image. For women a lot of our idea of our attractiveness comes from our father. How he sees us is how we feel all men will see us. I have thought long and hard about writing something like this since I don't want to come across as saying I had a horrible father. I really didn't. I just don't think he knew how to relate to a girl who had very different interests and personality from his own. The problem arose from, I believe, just a big misunderstanding. I saw as indifferance he could have seen as avoidance of the unknown. Over the years something that might have been a small issue grew out of controle. My inability to address the problems at the start compounded into many other issues with my self worth and even into my spiritual life. I'll take one issue at a time however. The problem with the way I saw God I will get into at a later date.

I recieved an article when I was in high school that went into detail about how a woman's self esteem relates to how she was seen by her father. For example, if he tells her she is pretty only when she is dresses in fancy clothing she will grow up thinking that she is only worthy of affection when she is dresses up. I believe this is where the overly processed girls come from. Most of their self esteem is based in products and accesaries. You will never see them without their make up or in grubby cloths. If they were to remove that they would feel that they were no longer worthy of attention and love. Another example is the girl who's father told her she was pretty whenever. It didn't matter if she was just playing in sweats or dresses like a princess. I have met a few girls that must have Dads like this. This girl is confident, collected and sees her self worth as based more on her personality than on her looks. One woman that comes to my mind right now I know has a father like this. I've met him and I have seen the way he interacts with his daughters. They have fantastic self esteem! It doesn't even matter how outwardly attractive they are and that's the interesting point. They have to ability to overlook their flaws. They don't even seem to see them, just like their father doesn't.

This is an amazing gift a father can give his little girl. At this day in age where there are so many absentee dads it is no wonder to me that there are so many girls with such poor self esteem, why so many girls search for a father figure in their relationships and why so many self themselves short.

Really this is a summing up of a very big issue with so much more involved. I'm not sure how to fix the issues that have been instilled into us in our formative years but my hope is that by recognizing them we can start to see that our fathers did the best they knew how. Just because they might not have said the right things doesn't mean we should feel this is a reflection on us. Rather we should realize they simply didn't speak out the truth. You are beautiful, you are valuable and you are loved.