Testing the Limits

So, I'm thinking of renting my services as a self esteem shopping coach. What I will do is go shopping with you. I will try on lots of cloths and then when you see how horrendous they look on me you will be encouraged by your own shopping success. Well, maybe that's not my best idea. However it does seem to have been a bad day for the good old Lenten fast.

I have been looking for a pair of dressy boots to wear for the spring. I needed something a step between my sneakers and heals so I decided to make the trek over to the Guess outlet in Cambridge. I was quite excited to see the purses and shoes and was drawn over to the many racks of clothing marked with a big red sign that said to take another 50% off. Since I do so love a sale and I don't have a lot of cloths something made me decide to try a few things on. I guess I was really trying to test my myself. As I looked in the mirror at the too small, ill fitting cloths I thought of yesterday's post about it being the cloths not the person but really, isn't that just what I'm saying for other people. When it comes down to myself I forget all that and head straight back to the old negative comments. Even as I write this I am literally thinking of the people that will read this and judge me. I picture you all thinking "well, she really should be concerned. She is fat after all. I don't know why she doesn't work on loosing a few." Maybe some of you are actually thinking that, who knows. I do know I could be in better shape but that shouldn't mean that I am a bad person or even unattractive. It was very difficult though to see myself trying to fit into those cloths and not to think horrible things about my figure.

I did manage to find a shirt that I found passable so it was a surprisingly decent trip for me. Usually my ratio of trying on to purchase is about 1:25 and today was 1:7. Maybe things are getting better, or maybe I just got lucky. Either way I would be the same person if I found 15 things that looked fantastic or if I didn't find a single thing. I just wonder why a little number on a label or not being able to find something large enough has such a power to change the way we feel about ourselves.

When I got home Randall was watching Dr. Oz. There happened to be a couple where the wife was over 700 lbs. They were discussing their relationship and the problems they had with getting along. It was a good reality check for me. The husband was saying how much he loved his wife and wanted to make things work when here I was feeling that I was too heavy to be lovable. What a reality check.

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