A Difficult Response
I received a comment to the blog post How Much Is That A Baby In The Womb that I have been thinking a lot about. This is what the comment said.
I did respond to the comment but I wanted to use this forum to clear a few things up. I did not mean to suggest that every person that gets an abortion uses it as an alternative to birth control but I have known woman that do think of it as such. I have worked with and gone to school with women that don't use any form of protection and just assume that it will never happen to them. For SOME birth control is an afterthought once they do end up pregnant they use abortion to take care of it. I know that this is not the case in all abortions but I have seen enough women who don't use birth control for me to be concerned. I know that there could be quite a lot of abortions prevented if there was a greater attention paid to pregnancy prevention.
My concern in this is not just for the fetus, it is also for the pregnant woman. As you said in your comment you and your partner agonized over the decision. These situations are never easy ones. They can cause a lot of stress, depression, frustration, anger, resentment, guilt and fear. Each person is different in the way they react to a stressful situation but wouldn't it be better it they were able to avoid the stress in the first place? I'm not saying that EVERY case is avoidable but certainly many are.
I do not know all the details of your relationship or the circumstances involved in your situation. I can also understand how an abortion could be a desirable option, I really can! I just know that I have never seen abortion as an option for myself. I know you are thinking that is naive and small minded of me. You might assume I have just had things too easy and I don't really understand the kind of pressure and problem this situation might cause. In a way you would be right. I abstained until I was married at the age of 26 so I never had to worry that I would end up pregnant. This was a decision I made partially for the purpose of avoiding pregnancy. It did not mean abstinence was a totally easy choice. I also know that though I waited for marriage not as people are even desiring to get married these days and that even in a stable, loving relationship many are choosing to remain childless. I know quite a few couples that have no desire to ever have children. That is a perfectly acceptable choice and I respect that decision. Even though I chose to have children I understand that not everyone has that desire. A pregnancy, for someone that did not want children would be a huge challenge. I have a feeling this is the situation you are coming from. Please understand that I do have sympathy for the difficulty of your decision.
That being said, I do not regret the posts I made. I do think the perpetuation of the idea that a baby isn't a human life until the moment of complete birth allows to many people to devalue the birth process and remove a lot of the responsibility to that life.
As far as the comment "This post makes me sad for the future of this country" I'm not really sure how to respond. I don't believe there will be a change in the legality of abortions and I know that if they were made illegal again there would be a lot more women harming themselves in the attempt to self abort. For that reason I don't think they should be made illegal. However I DO think there should be some restrictions on the trimester that they are allowed in. I have heard a story from a nurse in a hospital where abortions were preformed. On one floor an abortion was preformed and when the fetus was removed it was still alive. When asked what to do with it then it was placed in a jar until it died and then sent disposed of as usual. On a different floor of that same hospital a preemie of about the same gestational week was born and the family was desperately hoping their child would survive while Doctors and nurses worked frantically doing everything they could to help. I have just really been struck by how the same life could have so much value in one situation and be disregarded in another. I don't think that looking into this issue would be a detriment to our Country. I think that if we were to make a stronger effort to support and give both financial and emotional support to women that find themselves in these difficult situations we could become a Country that is a greater positive global influence. I don't see this happening however. I'm sure no changes will be forthcoming.
This is definitely an issue where we will need to agree to disagree. I'm sorry for the heartache it has caused you and I hope that you can look past our differences in opinion. Please know as well that even if I knew who this comment was from I would still feel the same about you as a person. Maybe you're thinking, ya right but it is true. I do know a few women that have had abortions. I'm not even sure if they know that I know. That was one of the reasons I was, in fact leery about making my opinions known in the post in the first place. I knew there was a possibility that they would read it and that it would change how they thought of me. I just felt it was too important an issue to avoid however and I hope that though we don't see things the same way we can still be friends.
Rachel, this post truly broke my heart. Assuming that the majority of women who choose abortion are using it as an "alternative" to birth control is incredibly small minded.
I terminated a pregnancy last year. I was on birth control and I still got pregnant.
And do not for one second think that my partner and I didn't agonize over that decision.
This post makes me sad for the future of this country.
I did respond to the comment but I wanted to use this forum to clear a few things up. I did not mean to suggest that every person that gets an abortion uses it as an alternative to birth control but I have known woman that do think of it as such. I have worked with and gone to school with women that don't use any form of protection and just assume that it will never happen to them. For SOME birth control is an afterthought once they do end up pregnant they use abortion to take care of it. I know that this is not the case in all abortions but I have seen enough women who don't use birth control for me to be concerned. I know that there could be quite a lot of abortions prevented if there was a greater attention paid to pregnancy prevention.
My concern in this is not just for the fetus, it is also for the pregnant woman. As you said in your comment you and your partner agonized over the decision. These situations are never easy ones. They can cause a lot of stress, depression, frustration, anger, resentment, guilt and fear. Each person is different in the way they react to a stressful situation but wouldn't it be better it they were able to avoid the stress in the first place? I'm not saying that EVERY case is avoidable but certainly many are.
I do not know all the details of your relationship or the circumstances involved in your situation. I can also understand how an abortion could be a desirable option, I really can! I just know that I have never seen abortion as an option for myself. I know you are thinking that is naive and small minded of me. You might assume I have just had things too easy and I don't really understand the kind of pressure and problem this situation might cause. In a way you would be right. I abstained until I was married at the age of 26 so I never had to worry that I would end up pregnant. This was a decision I made partially for the purpose of avoiding pregnancy. It did not mean abstinence was a totally easy choice. I also know that though I waited for marriage not as people are even desiring to get married these days and that even in a stable, loving relationship many are choosing to remain childless. I know quite a few couples that have no desire to ever have children. That is a perfectly acceptable choice and I respect that decision. Even though I chose to have children I understand that not everyone has that desire. A pregnancy, for someone that did not want children would be a huge challenge. I have a feeling this is the situation you are coming from. Please understand that I do have sympathy for the difficulty of your decision.
That being said, I do not regret the posts I made. I do think the perpetuation of the idea that a baby isn't a human life until the moment of complete birth allows to many people to devalue the birth process and remove a lot of the responsibility to that life.
As far as the comment "This post makes me sad for the future of this country" I'm not really sure how to respond. I don't believe there will be a change in the legality of abortions and I know that if they were made illegal again there would be a lot more women harming themselves in the attempt to self abort. For that reason I don't think they should be made illegal. However I DO think there should be some restrictions on the trimester that they are allowed in. I have heard a story from a nurse in a hospital where abortions were preformed. On one floor an abortion was preformed and when the fetus was removed it was still alive. When asked what to do with it then it was placed in a jar until it died and then sent disposed of as usual. On a different floor of that same hospital a preemie of about the same gestational week was born and the family was desperately hoping their child would survive while Doctors and nurses worked frantically doing everything they could to help. I have just really been struck by how the same life could have so much value in one situation and be disregarded in another. I don't think that looking into this issue would be a detriment to our Country. I think that if we were to make a stronger effort to support and give both financial and emotional support to women that find themselves in these difficult situations we could become a Country that is a greater positive global influence. I don't see this happening however. I'm sure no changes will be forthcoming.
This is definitely an issue where we will need to agree to disagree. I'm sorry for the heartache it has caused you and I hope that you can look past our differences in opinion. Please know as well that even if I knew who this comment was from I would still feel the same about you as a person. Maybe you're thinking, ya right but it is true. I do know a few women that have had abortions. I'm not even sure if they know that I know. That was one of the reasons I was, in fact leery about making my opinions known in the post in the first place. I knew there was a possibility that they would read it and that it would change how they thought of me. I just felt it was too important an issue to avoid however and I hope that though we don't see things the same way we can still be friends.
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