The Mom Blah Blah Blog

Last night I got a text from my husband that said "I forgot to tell you. Trinity asked 'If God made everything why didn't he give everyone a home and nice things?' I was not really sure how to answer that question." Well, of course you don't know how to answer that. Adults have been struggling with this question for quite some time and sometimes they aren't comfortable with the answers they are given by "professionals". I was shocked that such a big question could come out of our little girl (she will be 5 tomorrow actually). I thought that I would at least have another year or so before she would start asking zingers like this. It seems that she might have been picking up on some of the religious conversations happening around the house. With all the soul searching I have been doing and the discussions my husband and I have had over the book "Love Wins" by Rob Bell there have been some interesting topics coming up. Sometimes t...

This Easter was an interesting one for me. I found my Lenten season a fantastic lead up to the date but once Good Friday and Easter Sunday actually arrived it ended up being not as touching as I had hoped. That is not to say that I didn't have a great visit with family but I do so love my church family and I find it sad that whenever there is an extremely important holiday we have to choose between being with my family or attending our church. Since family tends to take precedence we spend important holidays at my parents church instead and I don't find the speaking as engaging or illuminating as it is at Elevation. This Easter we had another issue. The kids and I got sick. Alex seemed fine but threw up on Friday night. Saturday everyone seemed fine and Easter Sunday started out well but during the service Trinity fell asleep and she wanted to head home as soon as things ended. I wasn't feeling well myself and the two of us spent a while in the afternoon sleeping un...

Easter has now come and gone and brought with it the end of lent. Now the question remains, will I be able to keep up my efforts to maintain a better self image? It has been interesting for me to see the number of areas of my life that self esteem problems can rear it's ugly head. It's been interesting for me to see how I have allowed my poor view of myself to affect my reaching out to others, communication, parenting, marriage and spiritual life. Bringing myself down has in fact been an insult to those around me that love me for who I am and the God that created me. It says to them that they have poor taste and judgment for loving someone so flawed. I will attempt to cease my insults to myself, therefor them. This season of lent I have also realized that my "recovery" has also somewhat mirrored the 12 step program followed by many addicts. Though there doesn't seem to be any benefits to poor self esteem (at least I don't think you get a "high...

I did something yesterday that was not my best decision when trying to give up negative self talk for Lent. I bought a fashion magazine. The draw was that with selling jewelry right now I wanted to take a close look at the fashion trends and different looks. Also I thought that the fashion to flatter every figure might be helpful. Neither reason was justified. First the trends are pretty much crap. I don't think there is much in the horizontal stripes, large billowy cloths and bubble pants that anyone will find flattering. Also, flat menswear inspired shoes? I'll just say yuck! There is something to be said for the 70s inspired trend since I have always prefured wide leg trousers to last years super skinny jeans. Don't even get me started on jeggings . There is also a small trend towards rock, punk and biker wear. That is something I can sink my teeth into! I'll have to hold on to that one and run with it. I have yet to determine if the article about models...

For a few days at least the weather was seeming really nice and I was feeling so upbeat and energetic! We were planning to have our roof done this last weekend however so I'm sorry to say the terrible weather is our fault. It's supposed to be cold and/or rainy all this week so our roof plans are on hold for another week, not to mention the weather is bringing me down. It's hard to get a taste of spring and then be trust back into the dreary, sodden, cold of a long winter. It's increased the thought in me about the circle of life and how plants need to die in the winter in order to create new life in the spring. It's really related to my thinking about Lent and how there are some negative and harmful thoughts and attitudes I have that really need to die so that a new healthy attitude can begin to take root. I've also been paying close attention to my "pruning" lately. As a doubtful or detrimental thought creeps into my brain I've been attempt...

Why can't I shut off my brain? I don't really feel like I'm a worrier but maybe I am. I lay down to sleep at night and go threw the endless combination of choose your own adventure paths that my life could take. Sometimes it's fine and I can do my little sleeping tricks to relax enough to drift off but if there is something on my mind.... forget about it! I know that worry doesn't serve a single purpose and actually is to my detriment. I also know that thinking about my choices is not indication that they will actually work out that way. I just haven't thought of what I'm doing as worrying before. I really just figured I was sorting out my options, making plans and analyzing scenarios. That might not be the case. I think it all comes back to my desire to everything to be perfect. Once something is my responsibility I want to make sure it goes just the way I want it to and the less I control the outcome the more agonize. Yep, I think that's wo...

I have overactive tear ducts. I cry at the drop of a hat and can also cry pretty well on command, something that would have been handy had I pursued the life of an actress. Often my tears don't seem to be connected with anything that is happening around me. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am extremely angry or really for any extreme of emotion. Often I will also cry when other people are crying. I have quite often cursed this fact because I really don't feel I have much control over my tears. They really do seem to have a mind of their own. Quite often I will try to quickly wipe away a tear or play it off like there is something in my eye because I find it embarrassing. I'm always curious about people that will say that they refuse to cry over things. I have no idea how they are able to keep their composure, especially in times when I know they are facing heartbreaking circumstances. On occasion I cry for them. I wonder what they think ...

So this is it, tomorrow night is my first Latasia party and then another on Saturday. I'm walking confidently into the unknown. I've always been very scared of starting new jobs. This is most likely why I stay at even jobs I hate for a very long time. The good thing about this job is there isn't much for me to do in the way of product demonstration. I don't have to memorize lots of details and I don't need to do any pricing myself (what I didn't like about selling my cakes). However I do feel that this business is a lot more about me. If I'm personable enough or if I am able to generate enough interest. It's a good thing I'm working on my confidence and self esteem because these things would be terrifying a few years ago. So just a short post today as a sort of pick me up to prep for this weekend. Crossing my fingers that things go well. I think it should be great and if worst comes to worst I still will have a fantastic time visiting with ...

Nostalgia has been creeping into my self conscious lately. With all this thinking about the root of poor self esteem I have been muddling into my past and remembering the bad but also the good. I can totally see that my self image was very skewed back then. In high school I felt like the ugly duckling. In a small town where I didn't quite feel I fit in even small deviations from the norm were noted. I got my belly button pierced when I was 17 (yes i know you are supposed to be 18 or have consent but I just told them I was 18) and it was still on the fringe of strange back then and I think I was the only one that had it done at the time in the school. My nick name with a few people was actually Freak. Yes you heard me right. I have had a few unusual nick names over the years. Freak, Ogre, Roach, Ratchet, Coconuts, Cheese and Olga. Yes, all quite unusual and all with back stories. Freak was interesting because it showed that even someone that might look pretty straight lac...

When it comes to cloths, shoes and jewelry I don't think the majority of guys sit up and take notice. I'm sure that if they see an attractive woman walking down the street they don't think to themselves "She has fantastic shoes and an amazing necklace." He might not give those things a second thought but women notice. There is just something about putting on a nice piece of jewelry or a shirt that really compliments you that can give you the confidence to feel so much better about yourself. For a few years now I haven't really been paying to much attention to the way I dress and I haven't really been wearing any jewelry or nice shoes. This was mostly to do with having kids. Necklaces can get pulled on and broken. Cloths can get spilled on, spit up on or just be covered up by the very big accessory you have hanging on you, your 18 month old. Nose rings can get ripped out of your nose (but that's a different story). For a while there just doesn...

I saw someone today that looked a lot like a old friend I had. So much so that I did a double take and wondered if it was possibly him. It turned out not to be but it did get me thinking about the temperamental nature of the friendship we shared back in the day. It also got me thinking more about the witness we leave in our wake. There have been a few conversations that have popped up over the last few weeks that have given me a glimpse at what people looking into the lives of Christians see. I am sorry to say that the falling out I had with the aforementioned friend was over a bit of a religious debate. I was of the opinion that since this person already knew the values and opinions a Christian person would have, in keeping with the bible, that my stating them obviously would not be a matter for much concern. However, I was then put in the category as many of the Christian people that have bothered me over the years. I was then one of those "Repent of Die" preachers. ...