Femanism; the Other F Word
The last number of years have been leading me through a process of self discovery. We often hear about the teenage years as being the time when people figure out who they are. Maybe I'm a late bloomer but I have recently been going through a time of soul searching and self examination. After every new phase of life I feel altered in a way that changes me as a person. In 2017 I hit a milestone. It's possible that turning 40 has been a big factor in my introspection and soul searching or it could be that I am having a mid-life crisis!
Whatever the cause, this time of self analysis has lead to a new understanding of my place in this world, as a wife, as a mother, as a Christian, as a woman. I am waking up to the consequences of the decisions I have made previously in my life as well as the possibilities that still remain.
I consider myself a fairly rational and level headed person but I am also extremely empathetic and emotional. There are quite a few people that believe these two things to be mutually exclusive; you can't be both at the same time. How can someone who is emotional also be rational? How can you have empathy but remain level headed? I must admit that they do seem to be opposite ends of the spectrum with very little compatibility but I have never had difficulty resolving the two. If I am presented with a logical argument I am able to see the reason in it though that doesn't prevent me from feeling the results of that argument deeply. I am also able to see things from the perspective of other quite well, though my level headedness allows me to remain a little more impartial in a situation where there is a disagreement between others.
Of all the different pieces of my identity, the one I seem to struggle with the most is my femininity. This last year has been a tumultuous one for women. At the beginning of 2017 we all hopped onto an emotional rollercoaster and I'm not sure when we are going to be able to get off. The rights of women have been highlighted this year in a way that has lead to some very good discussion but also some very hurtful revelations.
It was the year of the #MeToo campaign, a time when men began to realize how pervasive the mistreatment of women still is, even in our first world countries. It was also a time when women found their voice and began to speak up on a new level, in solidarity, in the hopes that this world could become a little safer, a little more welcoming, a little easier. If not for our own lives then at least for the lives of our daughters.
Due to my desire to always be learning and growing I try to read a fair bit (with a critical mind, but that is a story for a different post) and I am the member of a few FB groups that share thoughts, ideas, articles and personal stories about a few topics. I enjoy the back and forth banter that attempts to dig deeper into different issues. The thing I appreciate about these groups is that the majority of this banter is done quite well, with respect and kindness; something that doesn't tend to be the case with most social media. In one of these groups there ended up being a bit of a discussion about feminism. Some of the people saw feminism as something that was completely incompatible with Christianity and some of the people were praising Jesus for his feminist ideals. It didn't take long to see that this word, feminism, was quite polarizing. I had seen this many times before it was brought up in this group and also many times after, people with very different ideas about what feminism means.
I have seen proud feminist women and men attempting to champion the rights and strengths of women and girls world wide. I have been encouraged be the voices of women and girls finally being listened to when they report abuses and harassment. I have cheered and shed tears as I read empowering books of women missionaries and pastors as they rise up to do the work they are called to do despite the pressure and animosity they face in a patriarchal church.
This isn't to say it's all sunshine and roses, there is an ugly side to this word too, just as there is an ugly side to almost everything. Those that will take every beautiful thing to the extreme until the ideals are perverted and the beauty destroyed. That extreme in feminism means women who are not about equality but superiority, those that would like nothing more than to see men suffer for their entire gender and like all extremists, these are the ones that get the attention. They are the small but mighty voice that overwhelms the conversation. These "feminists" are the reason that men will spit the word femanazi at you like a curse when you dare question the actions of a man. They are the reason the word feminist strikes fear in the hearts of men that might have abused their position of power.
It wasn't until the discussion about the word feminism in that FB group until I realized that people are operation from very different definitions of a word. It is no wonder that people can't seem to come to an agreement! We aren't speaking the same language! There is so much connotation that each individual brings to their understanding of a word, especially words used for ideas and ideals. This year has taught me the importance of understanding another person's context.
The dictionary definition of Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. This is the way that I have thought about feminism, looking for justice and equality between men and women instead of the imbalance that exist today where far to many women are being sidelined, mistreated, discriminated against or worse, harassed, abused and even killed. I have found it very difficult to understand why anyone could be against these ideals. It frustrated and angered me when I would hear someone (usually a male but surprisingly not always) attempt to use the word feminist against me like an insult designed to hurt. Why do they not want women treated with equality and respect, I would think. It took that vulnerability and a willingness to see another person's perspective to realize that when someone tries to use feminism in a scornful manner they are using a different definition of the word. They are operating from a definition that says to them, feminism is an attempt to establish superiority and dominance over men, that men are dispensable and should be done away with. It is no wonder that they are apposed to feminism when it's phrased like that. If that was the definition of feminism I held I would be apposed to it too.
I recently read an article that also highlighted the idea of two groups of people using a word to talk about very different things. This article highlights the difference between what Tim Keller calls big-E Evangelicals and small-e evangelicals. It spoke to me about the ideas invoked by different people when they use the word evangelical. To some it is a beautiful word that spurns them to seek justice, love, acceptance, peace and value others more than ourselves. Then other people hear evangelical and to them it is bound inseparably to politics. It calls to mind judgment, fear of the outsider, protecting ourselves, making sure we do as well as humanly possible in an effort to get ahead. There are as many definitions of this word as their are people. Each person brings their own experiences to the definition. To some the word evangelical says judgment, hypocrisy, hatred, anger, manipulation, patriarchy and even misogyny. Others think of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control (yes, the fruits of the spirit) as well as acceptance, community and even feminism. There are others, such as myself, that think of a strange mix of both positive and negative traits when we hear the word. I think that the evangelical church can be a very beautiful thing but quite often it is not.
There are a few people in my life that I have deep disagreements with. There has been a history of animosity that has lingered like an infection, under the surface for years. I have come to realize that part of that tension is caused by the two of us simply speaking a different language. Even when I think I am expressing myself quite clearly the words I use simply mean something completely different to them. Our lack of understanding of each others context has lead to some serious miscommunication. Is it possible to get past our differences and start to learn a new language? I believe it is, but it is going to take a lot of time, questioning and truly listening to the other person to start to understand their perspective. It can be done, but like learning any new language, it will be difficult.
As the year 2018 begins I have made a few small resolutions for myself. One of these is to learn more about who I am, what my strengths and weaknesses are and to use those strengths with greater confidence, (maybe figure out what I want to be when I grow up) another is to work on understanding my own vocabulary better, and maybe even learn a new language or help others redefine a few words.
Whatever the cause, this time of self analysis has lead to a new understanding of my place in this world, as a wife, as a mother, as a Christian, as a woman. I am waking up to the consequences of the decisions I have made previously in my life as well as the possibilities that still remain.
I consider myself a fairly rational and level headed person but I am also extremely empathetic and emotional. There are quite a few people that believe these two things to be mutually exclusive; you can't be both at the same time. How can someone who is emotional also be rational? How can you have empathy but remain level headed? I must admit that they do seem to be opposite ends of the spectrum with very little compatibility but I have never had difficulty resolving the two. If I am presented with a logical argument I am able to see the reason in it though that doesn't prevent me from feeling the results of that argument deeply. I am also able to see things from the perspective of other quite well, though my level headedness allows me to remain a little more impartial in a situation where there is a disagreement between others.
Of all the different pieces of my identity, the one I seem to struggle with the most is my femininity. This last year has been a tumultuous one for women. At the beginning of 2017 we all hopped onto an emotional rollercoaster and I'm not sure when we are going to be able to get off. The rights of women have been highlighted this year in a way that has lead to some very good discussion but also some very hurtful revelations.
It was the year of the #MeToo campaign, a time when men began to realize how pervasive the mistreatment of women still is, even in our first world countries. It was also a time when women found their voice and began to speak up on a new level, in solidarity, in the hopes that this world could become a little safer, a little more welcoming, a little easier. If not for our own lives then at least for the lives of our daughters.
Due to my desire to always be learning and growing I try to read a fair bit (with a critical mind, but that is a story for a different post) and I am the member of a few FB groups that share thoughts, ideas, articles and personal stories about a few topics. I enjoy the back and forth banter that attempts to dig deeper into different issues. The thing I appreciate about these groups is that the majority of this banter is done quite well, with respect and kindness; something that doesn't tend to be the case with most social media. In one of these groups there ended up being a bit of a discussion about feminism. Some of the people saw feminism as something that was completely incompatible with Christianity and some of the people were praising Jesus for his feminist ideals. It didn't take long to see that this word, feminism, was quite polarizing. I had seen this many times before it was brought up in this group and also many times after, people with very different ideas about what feminism means.
I have seen proud feminist women and men attempting to champion the rights and strengths of women and girls world wide. I have been encouraged be the voices of women and girls finally being listened to when they report abuses and harassment. I have cheered and shed tears as I read empowering books of women missionaries and pastors as they rise up to do the work they are called to do despite the pressure and animosity they face in a patriarchal church.
This isn't to say it's all sunshine and roses, there is an ugly side to this word too, just as there is an ugly side to almost everything. Those that will take every beautiful thing to the extreme until the ideals are perverted and the beauty destroyed. That extreme in feminism means women who are not about equality but superiority, those that would like nothing more than to see men suffer for their entire gender and like all extremists, these are the ones that get the attention. They are the small but mighty voice that overwhelms the conversation. These "feminists" are the reason that men will spit the word femanazi at you like a curse when you dare question the actions of a man. They are the reason the word feminist strikes fear in the hearts of men that might have abused their position of power.
It wasn't until the discussion about the word feminism in that FB group until I realized that people are operation from very different definitions of a word. It is no wonder that people can't seem to come to an agreement! We aren't speaking the same language! There is so much connotation that each individual brings to their understanding of a word, especially words used for ideas and ideals. This year has taught me the importance of understanding another person's context.
The dictionary definition of Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. This is the way that I have thought about feminism, looking for justice and equality between men and women instead of the imbalance that exist today where far to many women are being sidelined, mistreated, discriminated against or worse, harassed, abused and even killed. I have found it very difficult to understand why anyone could be against these ideals. It frustrated and angered me when I would hear someone (usually a male but surprisingly not always) attempt to use the word feminist against me like an insult designed to hurt. Why do they not want women treated with equality and respect, I would think. It took that vulnerability and a willingness to see another person's perspective to realize that when someone tries to use feminism in a scornful manner they are using a different definition of the word. They are operating from a definition that says to them, feminism is an attempt to establish superiority and dominance over men, that men are dispensable and should be done away with. It is no wonder that they are apposed to feminism when it's phrased like that. If that was the definition of feminism I held I would be apposed to it too.
I recently read an article that also highlighted the idea of two groups of people using a word to talk about very different things. This article highlights the difference between what Tim Keller calls big-E Evangelicals and small-e evangelicals. It spoke to me about the ideas invoked by different people when they use the word evangelical. To some it is a beautiful word that spurns them to seek justice, love, acceptance, peace and value others more than ourselves. Then other people hear evangelical and to them it is bound inseparably to politics. It calls to mind judgment, fear of the outsider, protecting ourselves, making sure we do as well as humanly possible in an effort to get ahead. There are as many definitions of this word as their are people. Each person brings their own experiences to the definition. To some the word evangelical says judgment, hypocrisy, hatred, anger, manipulation, patriarchy and even misogyny. Others think of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control (yes, the fruits of the spirit) as well as acceptance, community and even feminism. There are others, such as myself, that think of a strange mix of both positive and negative traits when we hear the word. I think that the evangelical church can be a very beautiful thing but quite often it is not.
There are a few people in my life that I have deep disagreements with. There has been a history of animosity that has lingered like an infection, under the surface for years. I have come to realize that part of that tension is caused by the two of us simply speaking a different language. Even when I think I am expressing myself quite clearly the words I use simply mean something completely different to them. Our lack of understanding of each others context has lead to some serious miscommunication. Is it possible to get past our differences and start to learn a new language? I believe it is, but it is going to take a lot of time, questioning and truly listening to the other person to start to understand their perspective. It can be done, but like learning any new language, it will be difficult.
As the year 2018 begins I have made a few small resolutions for myself. One of these is to learn more about who I am, what my strengths and weaknesses are and to use those strengths with greater confidence, (maybe figure out what I want to be when I grow up) another is to work on understanding my own vocabulary better, and maybe even learn a new language or help others redefine a few words.
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