It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

It's a sad day in our house today.  We needed to put down our kitten, Vaughn.  Yes, you read right.  I did say kitten.  He was 7 month old and we had him for only 4 of those months but it's strange how quickly a little fur ball can grow on you. 

We noticed about a month ago that his belly got really big pretty quickly.  We thought it was strange but figured that he might be going through a bit of a growth spurt.  He wasn't doing as much playing and running around either but we thought he was just getting bigger and growing out of the super playful kitten stage.  Again we didn't think much of it.  Then he started to miss the litter box.  At that point we figured something was the matter and decided he must have a UTI.  That sort of explained to me why he would be so bloated around the belly too.  I was certain that was what it was and he was just backed up with urine.  We made an appointment to take him to the vet and once she started to examine him she mentioned that his ears and gums were turning yellowish.  We had also noticed that his nose and paws were getting slightly brown instead of the grey and black shade he had when we got him.  The vet then said what I was least expecting to hear, "This doesn't look good.  He is having problems with his liver, that's why he's jaundiced and his belly is tough."  She suggested we get some ex-rays done and we waited for the results.  When she called us in and showed us the ex-ray it at first didn't appear like there was anything there at all.  You could see the spine and then below that was just white empty space.  Then I realized that was the problem.  All his organs were pushed up into his chest and his bowel was pinched up against his spine.  The vet then told us that she wasn't really sure what it even was.  She said it might be pushing on his liver or it could be attached to it.  They had never seen anything like this especially in a cat so young.  I finally managed to ask her what she was saying needed to be done and she told me he would need to be euthanized.  We were shocked.  My husband later said that you never expect it to be the worst case scenario.  To which I replied, "I'm the queen of worst case scenario.  I always think it's going to be the worst possible outcome, that way I'm prepared.  This didn't even show up on my radar." 

We did take him home for a few more days of cuddles but today was the day he was put to sleep.  I feel especially bad for my daughter.  She was very attached to Vaughn and he was so loving with her.  He would climb up on her bed for her night time story and stay with her for some of the night.  He sat with her on the couch and would play with her too.  The playfulness tapered off at the end but he was still very affectionate.  He loved to follow us around and was quite often, literally, underfoot.  He needed to be where the action was.  So much so that he, on more than one occasion, was closed in the cold storage room since he had to follow me when I would get something and I wouldn't realize he was there.  He also adored my husband.  When he would get home from night shifts around 4am he would open the door and there would be Vaughn purring up a storm waiting for him just inside the door.  We discovered that he could hear the car doors locking and would come running.  He really was a wonderful cat.  We were so blessed to have him in our lives.  He was really well behaved, though still playful.  He was cuddly and affectionate.  He was happy, easy going, handsome and he didn't even shed very much. 

The vet was also curious about what the mass in Vaughn's belly was so she agreed to take a look post mortem.  She called us this afternoon to let us know that it was a fluid filled cyst on his kidney.  The kidney was very damaged and the second kidney was inside.  At that point his chest cavity was also filling with fluid.  That was why he had started wheezing the last few days.  We know he must have been in a lot of pain so it is comforting to know that he is no longer suffering, however it was hard for us to believe he was hurting since he still remained so happy. 

Vaughn: April 9 - November 8, 2012

It's strange when something or someone dies at a young age.  Not only do you loose the life but you loose the potential future.  You make plans for them, and have expectations of what will be.  My husband got a cat when he was 6 and had it for a very, very long time.  It lived to be 21 or 22.  He had a great attachment to her and almost thought of her as a sister (he was an only child).  This was what we envisioned when we got a kitten.  We saw them growing up together and the bond that would develop.  We speculated on how big Vaughn would get, how he would interact with the kids and how he would react to my son's somewhat aggressive nature as they both got older.  We wondered if his not shedding had to do with being a kitten or if he would always stay that way.  Any way we look at it this has been harder on us than the cats we had to put down a year and a half ago.  We knew it was coming for them.  They were old and we saw their deterioration over time.  Our kids also weren't as bonded with them.  We had those cats before the kids and they were 8 and 9 years old when they came to live with us.  They tended to stay out of the line of fire with the kids.  So when they were gone it didn't seem as noticeable.  It just felt like they might be someplace else in the house. Vaughn's presence has already been missed.  He was our little shadow for 4 months.  Now he's no longer climbing into the dishwasher as soon as I open it or climbing into the toilet to check out how well I cleaned it. 

So long Vaughn.  We love you and will miss you!  You were an amazing pet.