Kill Them With Kindness
I've been thinking about the idea of protection, the means by witch we keep ourselves safe. I for one am a habitual door locker. To the point where I have locked my husband in the garage. While he's working on something out there I have to really remind myself to not lock the laundry room door. Cars and doors are always locked as soon as I step out of them, sometimes even if I am going to need it open in under a minute. It might be slightly more OCD than real safety concern though. I do realize that locks don't actually do much. I mean, if someone wants to break into your house it's not like they walk up to the door, try the knob and say, "Oh darn, foiled by this pesky lock." No, they BREAK in. The lock would only just slightly slow them down. Sorry if I'm starting to worry some of you out there that might believe that those locks are really all you need to protect yourselves.
Sure there is things we do to attempt to stay safe and free from harm. We teach kids to look both ways while crossing the street (well, at least some of us do). We tell them not to talk to strangers. We teach them to be careful around sharp objects, fire and electricity. But mostly we just hope. Hope that there aren't accidents or that they are careful and no matter how careful, even to the point of overprotectiveness, we are that still doesn't guarantee that everything will be fine. Kids will get hurt, things will happen, mostly we just have to hope it's not that serious.
For the most part when we attempt to protect we close those things off. The idea of keeping something safe draws to mind immages of wrapping things in bubble wrap or old newspapers and placing them carefully in a box. I also think of boxes with strong, thick walls and my trusty locks. Everything is about keeping it away from any potential harm.
As any parent knows there is no way to keep all danger away. Even if my son were in an empty room, by himself I bet he could find a way to hurt himself. Kids will get hurt but for the most part they will heal. The greater concern is their emotions, personality and spirit. Once something like that is broken it's a different story. Emotional hurts take much more time and attention to heal, and some just never do.
So how do you keep a child from being hurt emotionally? Well, it seems in this case protection by the removal of potential hazards would have the opposite of our desired result. Closing a child away from the world with little interaction is actually abusive so what sort of precautions can we take instead. It seems that in order to protect ourselves from being hurt by others we actually need to work on integrating ourselves with them rather than hiding away from them. If we are always kind, friendly, attentive, generous, helpful, happy and compassionate there will be no reason for those people to turn on us and treat us cruelly. This is something I definitely need to work on for myself and not just teach to my kids! It's not always easy to do. There will still be people that we won't get along with, even if we are the embodiment of kindness to them, that's just the way things go, but what would happen if we continued to be kind to them when they mistreat us?
My Grandma was the master of "killing them with kindness". My mom told me a story about a woman that really didn't like my Grandma. When she saw Grandma walking down the street one day she crossed to the other side so she wouldn't have to talk to her. Well, she wasn't going to let that slide. Not only did Grandma cross the street as well and talk with her she invited her to spend a week at the cottage with her. My mom said, "You did not!", "I surely did." she said. My mom asked, "What would you have done if she would have taken you up on the offer?" To witch Grandma replied, "Then we would have gone and had a lovely time." I can't say that I would have been able to do what she did but I sure wish I did! I wish that I could be kind in the face of rudeness. I wish I didn't respond so negatively to so much of what's around me. I wish I didn't hold a grudge (I am TERRIBLE at that), but I do. Maybe if I stopped trying to "protect" myself with withdrawal and negativity I would realize that people would feel to guilty to be mean to someone that has always been generous and kind to them. If they do still treat you poorly that's something they have to answer too. I shouldn't worry so much about that.
Maybe, just maybe, the best way to protect our hearts is to put them out on our sleeves for everyone to see.
Sure there is things we do to attempt to stay safe and free from harm. We teach kids to look both ways while crossing the street (well, at least some of us do). We tell them not to talk to strangers. We teach them to be careful around sharp objects, fire and electricity. But mostly we just hope. Hope that there aren't accidents or that they are careful and no matter how careful, even to the point of overprotectiveness, we are that still doesn't guarantee that everything will be fine. Kids will get hurt, things will happen, mostly we just have to hope it's not that serious.
For the most part when we attempt to protect we close those things off. The idea of keeping something safe draws to mind immages of wrapping things in bubble wrap or old newspapers and placing them carefully in a box. I also think of boxes with strong, thick walls and my trusty locks. Everything is about keeping it away from any potential harm.
As any parent knows there is no way to keep all danger away. Even if my son were in an empty room, by himself I bet he could find a way to hurt himself. Kids will get hurt but for the most part they will heal. The greater concern is their emotions, personality and spirit. Once something like that is broken it's a different story. Emotional hurts take much more time and attention to heal, and some just never do.
So how do you keep a child from being hurt emotionally? Well, it seems in this case protection by the removal of potential hazards would have the opposite of our desired result. Closing a child away from the world with little interaction is actually abusive so what sort of precautions can we take instead. It seems that in order to protect ourselves from being hurt by others we actually need to work on integrating ourselves with them rather than hiding away from them. If we are always kind, friendly, attentive, generous, helpful, happy and compassionate there will be no reason for those people to turn on us and treat us cruelly. This is something I definitely need to work on for myself and not just teach to my kids! It's not always easy to do. There will still be people that we won't get along with, even if we are the embodiment of kindness to them, that's just the way things go, but what would happen if we continued to be kind to them when they mistreat us?
My Grandma was the master of "killing them with kindness". My mom told me a story about a woman that really didn't like my Grandma. When she saw Grandma walking down the street one day she crossed to the other side so she wouldn't have to talk to her. Well, she wasn't going to let that slide. Not only did Grandma cross the street as well and talk with her she invited her to spend a week at the cottage with her. My mom said, "You did not!", "I surely did." she said. My mom asked, "What would you have done if she would have taken you up on the offer?" To witch Grandma replied, "Then we would have gone and had a lovely time." I can't say that I would have been able to do what she did but I sure wish I did! I wish that I could be kind in the face of rudeness. I wish I didn't respond so negatively to so much of what's around me. I wish I didn't hold a grudge (I am TERRIBLE at that), but I do. Maybe if I stopped trying to "protect" myself with withdrawal and negativity I would realize that people would feel to guilty to be mean to someone that has always been generous and kind to them. If they do still treat you poorly that's something they have to answer too. I shouldn't worry so much about that.
Maybe, just maybe, the best way to protect our hearts is to put them out on our sleeves for everyone to see.
Comments
Post a Comment