Only Crazy People Need Couseling
It's been a little while since I've posted a message. I think now that Lent is over I'm not quite as focused on the issues of self esteem and haven't felt the urgency of writing. However, that does not mean that the work isn't continuing. I've spoken to a few people about the benefits of counseling lately and it's reminded me of my experiences with it.
The first time I saw a counselor was in high school. Surprise, surprise, I had issues with my self esteem. Though I did find it helpful I'm not really sure of the quality of the therapist I was going to. Case and point, I still have a lot of issues today. It did assist me in recognizing some points about myself however. It turns out I am a fixer. If someone comes to me with a problem it drives me crazy if I can't do anything to help. It also is quite frustrating for me when I see people fight. For example, if there was ever a fight in my family I would try and interject, even if it had nothing to do with me. I want to make sure everyone gets their point across and that the person I perceive as correct "wins". I want to fight the battle for them and I take it upon myself. I still have many issues with this today. Although it is not always a bad thing it can land me in the middle of a fight that is not my own and I internalize that persons frustration.
More recently my husband and I have been to counseling. After our daughter was born we had a lot of issue with her. She had colic for at least 10 months. I believe it was close to 11. I remember the month of September that year she would not sleep unless I held her in a sling and was sitting up with her. Around 6 in the morning she would finally let me lay down with her for a bit. Consequently I got approximately 2 hours of sleep a night for almost the entire month. This is not an exaggeration. We tried EVERYTHING! If anyone offered a suggestion of a way to ease colic we tried it. Looking back I can now see that I had some pretty serious postpartum depression and I have always been very reluctant to ask people for help. I took far too much of the responsibility on myself. I would stay up every night with her so that my husband could sleep since he needed to go to work but then I would resent him for it. We were fighting all the time and I felt very alone. At that point I wanted out of my life. I didn't want this baby and I didn't want my marriage. I didn't feel appreciated or loved and I was angry. I was angry as well with God. I had felt that I had done the right things and was being punished for it. I would pray "without ceasing" for a break in the crying and fighting. I begged God to do something because I couldn't handle anymore and I didn't feel I was heard.
Finally I reached out. One Sunday I pulled aside my pastor and his wife and filled them in on a bit of what was happening with us. They then connected us with a counselor that we went to for about a year. We worked threw a lot of the issues that had become big problems in our marriage as well as personally.
Things did get better with our daughter too. I now am almost positive that she had a dairy sensitivity that she outgrew and I am dealing with the guilt of not recognizing this. However if we had not gone threw that hard time I don't think we would have gotten to the point of really dealing with the underlying problems in our marriage. So now looking back I see that this was really a turning point for us and we have a stronger relationship because of it. I did get the answer to my prayers. I was not pushed beyond what I could bear but did find a way to fix what might have smoldered under the surface for years before causing enough damage as to be irreparable. I do still wish things wouldn't have had to have gotten that tough but I am glad that we put in the effort create a better relationship rather than parting ways.
There were also 2 books I found enormously helpful during the time. The first was "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartain. It helped to give me some perspective on the problems we were having and helped me feel that there was something I could do.
The second one I recommend for EVERYONE to read! It was fantastic and life changing! "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Even if you are not in a committed relationship it will still show you how you accept and give love and will help you be able to love everyone in your life in a way that is more meaningful to them. I'm now of the opinion that during premarital counseling it should be a requirement. I can't say enough good things about it! Please let me know what you think if you have also read this book (or if you go out and do so now).
The first time I saw a counselor was in high school. Surprise, surprise, I had issues with my self esteem. Though I did find it helpful I'm not really sure of the quality of the therapist I was going to. Case and point, I still have a lot of issues today. It did assist me in recognizing some points about myself however. It turns out I am a fixer. If someone comes to me with a problem it drives me crazy if I can't do anything to help. It also is quite frustrating for me when I see people fight. For example, if there was ever a fight in my family I would try and interject, even if it had nothing to do with me. I want to make sure everyone gets their point across and that the person I perceive as correct "wins". I want to fight the battle for them and I take it upon myself. I still have many issues with this today. Although it is not always a bad thing it can land me in the middle of a fight that is not my own and I internalize that persons frustration.
More recently my husband and I have been to counseling. After our daughter was born we had a lot of issue with her. She had colic for at least 10 months. I believe it was close to 11. I remember the month of September that year she would not sleep unless I held her in a sling and was sitting up with her. Around 6 in the morning she would finally let me lay down with her for a bit. Consequently I got approximately 2 hours of sleep a night for almost the entire month. This is not an exaggeration. We tried EVERYTHING! If anyone offered a suggestion of a way to ease colic we tried it. Looking back I can now see that I had some pretty serious postpartum depression and I have always been very reluctant to ask people for help. I took far too much of the responsibility on myself. I would stay up every night with her so that my husband could sleep since he needed to go to work but then I would resent him for it. We were fighting all the time and I felt very alone. At that point I wanted out of my life. I didn't want this baby and I didn't want my marriage. I didn't feel appreciated or loved and I was angry. I was angry as well with God. I had felt that I had done the right things and was being punished for it. I would pray "without ceasing" for a break in the crying and fighting. I begged God to do something because I couldn't handle anymore and I didn't feel I was heard.
Finally I reached out. One Sunday I pulled aside my pastor and his wife and filled them in on a bit of what was happening with us. They then connected us with a counselor that we went to for about a year. We worked threw a lot of the issues that had become big problems in our marriage as well as personally.
Things did get better with our daughter too. I now am almost positive that she had a dairy sensitivity that she outgrew and I am dealing with the guilt of not recognizing this. However if we had not gone threw that hard time I don't think we would have gotten to the point of really dealing with the underlying problems in our marriage. So now looking back I see that this was really a turning point for us and we have a stronger relationship because of it. I did get the answer to my prayers. I was not pushed beyond what I could bear but did find a way to fix what might have smoldered under the surface for years before causing enough damage as to be irreparable. I do still wish things wouldn't have had to have gotten that tough but I am glad that we put in the effort create a better relationship rather than parting ways.
There were also 2 books I found enormously helpful during the time. The first was "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartain. It helped to give me some perspective on the problems we were having and helped me feel that there was something I could do.
The second one I recommend for EVERYONE to read! It was fantastic and life changing! "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Even if you are not in a committed relationship it will still show you how you accept and give love and will help you be able to love everyone in your life in a way that is more meaningful to them. I'm now of the opinion that during premarital counseling it should be a requirement. I can't say enough good things about it! Please let me know what you think if you have also read this book (or if you go out and do so now).
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