To Forgive Without Forget

I've been thinking about this for a little while and wondering if I should post about this or not. I have doing my best to just get over it and let things go that can not be changed now but that is something that is very unnatural for me. I have a lot of trouble letting hurts go and I know that I'm not the only one with this problem. The issue I'm having is I keep getting reminded very regularly of the situations that hurt me. Then once I am reminded of what has happened I can't help but think of how different things would be for me right now if they didn't happen.

The other issue I have had with this is it's causing me to doubt myself in so many ways. It casts doubt on my relationships, skills, and mostly I feel it shattering my very new found confidence. I'm not really sure of how I can protect my fragile esteem and still walk confidently forward when I am being regularly reminded of my failures. I know full well that nothing in life comes easily and that in the grand scheme of things this really doesn't matter. It doesn't help me move forward.

I think this might be the point where forgiveness comes into the picture. I'm sure you have heard that when we forgive someone it's for us and not for the other person. I understand that in a different light right now and I believe it's true. If I were able to forgive the choices that they have made that hurt me I would be free to move forward and find a new perspective and path that might just work. I'm having a hard time with it though and I can see that instead of being driven forward this is causing me to want to give up. Where's that hole I was thinking of crawling into?

The saying goes Forgive and Forget. I do think they go hand in hand so it's difficult for me to forgive when I am not able to forget. I guess it remains to be seen if I will manage to bolster my confidence and continue on or if I will look for a new direction that might allow me to not remember with regret. Only time will tell.

Comments

  1. Susan FishNovember 21, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    Rachel - A few years ago I had a relational situation that really went bad and I couldn't get over it. I wondered how I ever would be able to -- mostly because the other side just wouldn't communicate about it at all. It took a long time and then one day I was able to say, "I won't own your part in the matter. That is not mine to carry." and I was able to let it go, even without having the chance to work things through. And that release stayed with me. Some of what happened was mine to own, and to be sorry about, but some of it wasn't. I hope you'll be able to get to a peaceful place with this too. I know how it can eat you up.

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  2. UnknownNovember 21, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    Thanks Susan, I think that's something I needed to hear. It just seems that there have been so many thinks that have hurt me lately and I don't know if I'm being too sensitive or if it's saying something about myself personally that this is going on. I hope I can stop owning both my part and everyone elses as well.

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